Posts tagged crap

I’m fucking done with people.
Why did she get my hopes up when she doesn’t even have feelings for me.

Fuck

It fuckin smells like a bowel movement

Well my credit card bill this month is 185 bucks because i was late paying last months. Is that’s right they charge you 2 months worth if you are late once? I have AT&T :/

Not to mention my $390 and $311 credit card bills. Im fucked

T to the U to the M to the BLR
T to the U to the M to the BLR
girl you tumblring

¯\_( ツ)_/¯

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After reading about all these school shootings, suicides due to bullies, kids picking on eachother over the internet…..I have come to the conclusion that the future of this country is fucked!

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So there is a neighborhood here that always has pretty much every house decorated for xmas, some people go all out and have a bunch of crazy stuff. Seeing as its quite a big neighborhood and many people walk around to look at the lights they usually have portopotties out so people can go potty. Most are in the street but this one happend to be in SOMEONE’S YARD!!!!
SMH WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT IN YOUR YARD?!!?

So there is a neighborhood here that always has pretty much every house decorated for xmas, some people go all out and have a bunch of crazy stuff. Seeing as its quite a big neighborhood and many people walk around to look at the lights they usually have portopotties out so people can go potty. Most are in the street but this one happend to be in SOMEONE’S YARD!!!!

SMH WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT IN YOUR YARD?!!?

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So we had a work party but not everyone could go..”thank you for working while your coworkers have fun” could have been worded nicer no?

So we had a work party but not everyone could go..”thank you for working while your coworkers have fun” could have been worded nicer no?

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Why not!?

Name: Jen
Tumblr Name: JigsawFirefly
Nickname: JenJen, Sir, whatever else people call me.
Birthday: Halloween
Age: 25
Location: Hell…er I mean Arizona
Status: Broken and confused
Random fact about you: I can just sit down at a computer and start typing and come up with an awesome story/screenplay.
Hobbies/Interests: Watching movies, writing screenplays that end up just sitting there, wanting people I can’t have, traveling and other wierdness
Do you smoke/drink: Used to smoke when I was younger, started up again every so often though. Same with the drinking.
Why Tumblr?: why not?

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Confusion of My Life

So I came to the coffee shop so I could work on my screenplay/story thing. Welp didn’t happen. Ended up playing video games and sat here getting annoyed with my stupid mind.

My mind has been wandering the past few days and I cant’ seem to figure out what it is I want. I know for sure I want to write this screenplay and I know forsure I want to go on a vacation, so far to New York. But I guess I can settle for any place.

Here is my problem, It’s a stupid one but every so often it bothers me. I’m bisexual. For some reason I don’t like to admit it and I’m not sure why. It took me so many years to want to admit it to myself. I have liked girls since I was really young (about 5) and I have always considered myself a lesbian. I didn’t really find guys attractive till I was in about 2nd grade. I never had any interest in dating them, I could never picture myself with one. I’ve slept with a few but that’s about it. I hate myself for this. I had come out to my mother when I was in high school (about 16 or 17 I think). I had written her a note and left it in her makeup bag so only she could find it. In the note I had told her that I am a lesbian. (don’t wanna go into details of what happend right now…) It wasn’t until two years ago I finally told her that I was actually bi. For some reason it was harder to tell her this than it was to tell her I’m a lesbian. Maybe because this time it was an actual phone convo instead of a note.

I guess the reason it bothers me so much that my mother knows is because I think that she thinks that just because I like guys it means I am gonna date one and marry one. I don’t want that. That is one of the many stupid things I am afraid of, and I am afraid of a lot of stupid things. This is one of the reasons I haven’t talked to her the past week about my breakup with my gf. Though I did inform her today when she called, I guess I don’t want to hear what she has to say because I have a feeling it’s going to be something along the lines of “you like both, why don’t you date a guy” sort of thing.

As for my confusion. I don’t know what I want. I am still not over her and a part of me wishes we were still together and that same part of me is mad as hell at myself because I feel the whole thing was my fault. There is a part of me that wants to change in hopes that she will take me back, but I don’t think that will happen. Then there is the part of me that is happy, I’m happy knowing that she is happy and to me that is importaint. I care a lot about her and I want her to be happy. That same part of me is like ‘whoo I’m single I can do whatever I want now’. But that part is also the confused part. It’s like I want to just not worry about relationships right now and just focus on school and traveling and all this stuff. Yet at the same time that ‘slut’ part of me wants to just go out and mess around with people. The thing about that though is that I am afraid. afraid that if I do things with people I might end up finding one that I really like and end up getting into a relationship with them. I’m afraid of that. It sounds stupid but I feel like I’m afraid of relationships again. I feel like its too soon to get involved with anyone.And at the same time a part of me wants a relationship but I’m afraid of getting hurt again. Then I have these thoughts of ‘what if I date a guy’ it’s like there is something in me that wants that but at the same time I don’t want that.

I hate having these thoughts, sometimes I wish I was just full lesbian. I hate that I can’t make up my mind about things. I don’t know what to do. I feel stupid that I’m posting this :(